Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
