I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
