you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
