you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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