Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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