id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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