Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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