I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
