So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She's the barista slut.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
