i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
