life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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