Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
