you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
