i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize