I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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