Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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