Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
