if i can run in heels then i can drive
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
PANTIES FOUND
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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