ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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