I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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