perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
