I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
