I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
