Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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