wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
