Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
