Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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