I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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