Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You were trust falling into bushes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
