why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We smell like vodka and hangover
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