I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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