Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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