he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize