when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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