I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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