bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just want to make out with him forever
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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