I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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