I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
