Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
