i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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