What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
