Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
