There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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