Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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