My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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