1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just pee around me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize