How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
