Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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