I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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