You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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