I think my vagina is haunted
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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