I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
