I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
operation have a gay friend backfired
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
