just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
