i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You ruined the universe
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
