They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
