from now on my penis is your penis
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
