Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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