My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
