im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
