I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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