people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
