My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize