Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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