We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
