Just fell off a train. Bad.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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