Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
